A 5 point programme to help you lose weight by consuming freely available pornography.

The problem with most diets is that they fail to understand the real psychology behind over-eating, and that eating tasty food is a sexual experience.

The human stomach is lined with the same types of receptive cells that you find both on the very tip a penis as well as the lower end of the G-spot (some scientists argue that these are located at the higher end of F-spot instead).

Eating, therefore, provides two types of highly enjoyable sensations: taste and sexual fulfilment. The former you are aware of, no doubt. If not, have a slice of cheesecake and you’ll get first hand experience of a highly enjoyable sensation.

The latter refers to the pleasure derived by food entering and being held in the stomach, which is similar to what a woman feels when a man enters her during sex.

The solution: replace pleasure with more pleasure (minus the food) and lose weight fast

This is in essence the strategy behind the Free Porn Diet.

Rather than eating initiate an activity that will provide a similar type of outcome but in large quantities. And if quantity is the name of the game that nothing is more widespread that free porn.

The following 5 points will help you to follow a strict diet of free porn and shed weight in the process.

1. Feeling peckish? Type ‘free porn’ in Google

This is the golden rule. When you are hungry don’t open the fridge but turn your PC on and find free porn. Use Google or check stories archived at the Free Porn Times.

You should masturbate over a period of 1 hour until sensations leading to the build up of your climax will ‘mask’ any hunger you may feel.

Once you have reached orgasm do not consume your own bodily fluids.

2. Watch your porn: don’t consume any featuring obese people

Whilst we appreciate the beauty and general sexiness of large people, it is not advisable to consume porn depicting people of such disposition as part of this diet.

As you can see from the photograph obese people contain a large percentage of fat which will jeopardize your dieting efforts.

Absolutely no masturbation allowed if you come across such imagery.

3. Make sure at least 40% of the porn you view contains elements of oral sex

This will help the mind associate your oral cavity with acts other than those associated with the intake of food-stuffs.

Free porn featuring fellatio is particularly effective given its similarity to the act of lollipop-licking. Avoid ‘ice-creams’ as in-mouth ejaculation followed by swallowing carries extra calories.

Oral sex between lesbians is widely accepted as the healthiest type of sexual imagery. View as much as you like.

Masturbate at a steady rate and, if you are flexible enough, perform an oral sex act on yourself.

4. Treat yourself to forbidden fruit

By this we mean free porn that is exotic and of a kind that you would never admit enjoying to your family and close friends: free porn featuring shemales.

Do not over-indulge by spending 20+ minutes masturbating to shemales, though. Some types of shemales contain high levels of salt which can be bad for you. Opt for Asian ladyboys if you can.

5. Food that goes in eventually comes out from you know where

If you buy a bottle of wine you need a cork-screw to open it. Only then will the wine flow and the bottle empty.

Anal sex works in a similar way by helping keep the anal passage remain free of obstructions and nicely stretched for a productive defecation.

However, viewing porn featuring anal sex is for advanced dieters only. Novices are likely to react in the opposite way and tighten their sphincter muscles whilst masturbating.

If you are able to relax yourself during this stage then you body will benefit from more productive excretions, which is important when dieting as much as swallowing is for eating.

Lost weight yet?

We intentionally included 2 images of a sexual nature for your enjoyment. If you have taken action after reading the first point you will have not had that sandwhich / muffin / bagel and masturbated instead, losing weight in the process.

Go check your weight now and see for yourself the amazing results promised by the free porn diet!

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