Chances of hitting two consecutive holes-in-one in golf are about 1 to a gazillion. But what are the odds of being born with birthmarks spelling all sorts of crude references to interracial sex?

This is the extraordinary case of an ordinary women who’s birthmarks depict a penis with arms and legs headed by “BLACK C**K SLUT”, “BLACK CUSHION” on her bottom and “I EAT DARK MEAT” down one leg and “F**K MY WHITE PU**Y” down the other. Without the asterisks, of course.

And that’s just on her back.

“It could be worse” she says. “They could have spelt ‘I love Bush’”.